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Newcomers / Re: Old timer back but plenty to work with
« on: December 04, 2015, 04:31:17 am »
Hi,
Thank you so much for the responses.
Things have been up and down but blew up again over the last couple of days. One where we were sat eating and everything was good until I was given a strange disproving look and when I asked that the only answer I could get was "because". Whatever that meant , I don't know but it caused and argument where I said it was unfair and I didn't like those games. Hence another night watching tv alone.
Yesterday's started because I took out the rubbish (trash) and left the door open for two seconds. It really annoyed her that I let in some cold (it was really 2 seconds) and it got blown out of proportion.
She will admit she is hard to live with but she is actually a lovely woman apart from this. We are coming up to our second anniversary and have argued on and off over things like this. After my previous marriage I won't take aimless criticism so maybe I'm a bit stubborn.
She is quite pessimistic since losing her brother 20 odd years ago and thinks things turn bad. I am generally optimistic and think things will eventually work out which she calls naive.
We have had some heartache and have been told that my wife cannot have children though IVF may help us. We have three failed IVF attempts so far and may try again though hope and money is wearing thin. She blames herself and feels guilty that she is denying me children. She has at times said to find someone else that can. I have always wanted children but believe this is a problem we are in together and if we can't then I am with her whatever. I don't see it as she is infertile but we are as a couple. She is really hurting over this though and see's no reason for life or no future without children. She is very close to cracking and has said she wants to die which scares the fife out of me.
She say's I don't listen, I switch off to the criticism but try and listen to the hurt though I think she believes its just her that is hurting. Its hard to listen when everything is so negative and generally based around bad things I am supposedly doing. I came home from work and within 20 minutes had been pulled up on at least 10 things. Eventually, I snapped and argued back with poorly timed wit and sarcasm which I know doesn't help.
She feels I don't love her and that she is wanted but it is actually her that is pushing me away and I retaliate by withdrawing. How do I show I'm there but also refuse to take the criticism. If I argue back she says I am being horrid but surely I can make my case but also need to trad so carefully in her fragile state.
Yesterday she threatened to leave (again), I said I love her and don't want her to but she needs to do what she needs to do, she didn't leave and has said she loves me too.. I think we love each other very much but for some reason its falling apart. From her side it seems that she is pressing a self destruct button and creating situations where it will all go wrong even though that isn't what she wants. I don't think anybody has been there for her in the past and she finds it hard to let go and trust.
She is a very nice person and what I say above makes it sound as if that isn't the case. I think she is in a bad place at the moment but I don't quite know how to fix it all.
Thanks for listening and your comments. I think we can make it but my Wife can't see the woods for the trees at the moment.
Thank you so much for the responses.
Things have been up and down but blew up again over the last couple of days. One where we were sat eating and everything was good until I was given a strange disproving look and when I asked that the only answer I could get was "because". Whatever that meant , I don't know but it caused and argument where I said it was unfair and I didn't like those games. Hence another night watching tv alone.
Yesterday's started because I took out the rubbish (trash) and left the door open for two seconds. It really annoyed her that I let in some cold (it was really 2 seconds) and it got blown out of proportion.
She will admit she is hard to live with but she is actually a lovely woman apart from this. We are coming up to our second anniversary and have argued on and off over things like this. After my previous marriage I won't take aimless criticism so maybe I'm a bit stubborn.
She is quite pessimistic since losing her brother 20 odd years ago and thinks things turn bad. I am generally optimistic and think things will eventually work out which she calls naive.
We have had some heartache and have been told that my wife cannot have children though IVF may help us. We have three failed IVF attempts so far and may try again though hope and money is wearing thin. She blames herself and feels guilty that she is denying me children. She has at times said to find someone else that can. I have always wanted children but believe this is a problem we are in together and if we can't then I am with her whatever. I don't see it as she is infertile but we are as a couple. She is really hurting over this though and see's no reason for life or no future without children. She is very close to cracking and has said she wants to die which scares the fife out of me.
She say's I don't listen, I switch off to the criticism but try and listen to the hurt though I think she believes its just her that is hurting. Its hard to listen when everything is so negative and generally based around bad things I am supposedly doing. I came home from work and within 20 minutes had been pulled up on at least 10 things. Eventually, I snapped and argued back with poorly timed wit and sarcasm which I know doesn't help.
She feels I don't love her and that she is wanted but it is actually her that is pushing me away and I retaliate by withdrawing. How do I show I'm there but also refuse to take the criticism. If I argue back she says I am being horrid but surely I can make my case but also need to trad so carefully in her fragile state.
Yesterday she threatened to leave (again), I said I love her and don't want her to but she needs to do what she needs to do, she didn't leave and has said she loves me too.. I think we love each other very much but for some reason its falling apart. From her side it seems that she is pressing a self destruct button and creating situations where it will all go wrong even though that isn't what she wants. I don't think anybody has been there for her in the past and she finds it hard to let go and trust.
She is a very nice person and what I say above makes it sound as if that isn't the case. I think she is in a bad place at the moment but I don't quite know how to fix it all.
Thanks for listening and your comments. I think we can make it but my Wife can't see the woods for the trees at the moment.